My Life is a Love Spell

a treatise on love magic + an amorous opening ritual

Love is the most important thing to me and, is, historically, my biggest source of suffering. And when I say “love” here, I’m not talking about friendships, the eros of knowledge, divine love, or intimacy with the moment-by-moment beauty of your life. Though that’s all important, that’s not the type of love that tends to make me, at least, suffer.

I am talking about fucking. About romance and that feeling of spinning out of control but also being held together by a person you are slowly growing obsessed with. The “i-love-you-specifically and want to spend all of my time kissing and watching you exist”. I am talking about the love that you can build a whole house on but it’s alive, guiding you gently towards a shared oblivion. Or maybe it only needs to last a night to properly honor each other— that can be love in my book, too. But for a while I wanted that security of the everlasting, maybe too much.

For the longest time, I wanted a soulmate more than anything in the world. And at every step I crashed against an impasse.

I have long marveled at the way other people shift in and out of relationships so easily. I had no idea how people got asked out, much less got into relationships. It seemed like for everyone else, dating was just something that happened to them, where it would only happen to me if I carefully willed and orchestrated everything myself. I felt trapped in the infinite loop of desiring, chasing, being left, never the one desired.

For a long time, I didn’t think I was pretty enough to be asked out or to have their crush like them back. I would either ignore my crush’s gaze and never speak to them or blurt it out at weird moments, after which my friends would call me “brave”. I did not feel “brave”.

That’s not to say I have never dated or never had deep, deep happiness in romantic relationships. I am deeply, a lover, and with even the quickest fling I tend to go a mile deep. But it has long felt like every kiss or moment of trust or wordless understanding was paid in time and crises, especially because of the way I viewed love. I always felt far behind or too much this, not enough that, that each rejection or missed connection was proof of my unworthiness.

It wasn’t until my Saturn return that I learned that flirting, rather than being pure one-sided effort, is a dance, that love is too, and I could say hi to a cutie and then wait and see if they said hi back.

It wasn’t until then that I realized love is so much bigger than one person. It took my a long time to change my view.

Of course, if you know astrology, then you will also understand me when I say that all of what I just said could also be summarized as: I have Saturn in domicile in the 7th house in a night chart.

Say it with me:

I have the planet of my greatest difficulty

in my (extremely pivotal) house of relationships

One could say I was fated to suffer for love :) and doesn’t it sound better when I put it like that? I’m not even joking when I say I’m proud to live this fate. What more beautiful thing is there to suffer for, if we believe suffering to be a part of life?¹ I also, because of this struggle, can relate to, maybe even help, others. I am looking for love that lasts, even if it means plenty of solitude. Love exists in everything, if we surrender to it, was the biggest takeaway of my Saturn return.

I don’t feel powerless in the face of my placement, its issues, because I know there are things I can do— something different than pure effort and toil like I tried for so long. As someone who takes no bit of love for granted, I understand what works.

The biggest lesson? Surrender.

Loosening up, which is different than giving up or staying in. That was the biggest lesson of my Saturn return: When I am my focused on making something work instead of listening to my desires, I am going to chase people who weren’t even that fun to be around.

And if your lover isn’t fun to be around at least half of the time, what’s the fucking point???

So I had to listen when something didn’t feel right to be able to tune into what did. This meant a lot of letting go.

Now, after years of spiritual and psychological work, my goal for love is to follow its stream wherever it goes, wherever it takes. And let me tell you: what I’ve discovered I actually want from love is the polar opposite of what I thought I wanted for so long. I realize now that if I had actually succeeded at finding my soulmate and living happily, monogamously with them from my twenties until forever I would probably be miserable. Imagine that. I have much better luck surrendering to what my body and my intuition like, letting my heart, not my mind, lead the way.

Love, I’ve learned, is a moment-to-moment experience. Even in long-term relationships, the structures and promises therein are made to preserve our connection to our wild hearts.

It takes a lot of work to trust something so simple. Telling someone to surrender or relax to their feelings or intuition is difficult because you don’t “do” anything— it’s the opposite of doing. But, if you’re like me and are used to attacking a problem by trying to control it, this card be a hard posture to take.

That’s where love magic comes in.

When you invite in a spirit or star to help you, the surrender is built in.

I’ve been spending time really practicing with four fixed stars that have been used to bring people together, create friendships, establish commitment. I have been lighting incense and praying with them and have been opening up to my actual feelings and desires. Because when I’m in touch with my actual feelings and desires, I can tell when something or someone isn’t for me. When I trust my feelings or desires, I become committed to flirting, to opening myself up to possibility when I see someone cute or make eye contact that lasts a few seconds longer than usual, rather than feeling shackled to the interaction without movement or change.

This is what the Stars of Love have offered me: a way to actively practice surrender. Pretty immediately after working with these stars, I felt certain things within and without open up in profound ways that I will not be sharing because they are too intimate :) but the way they make romance a whole way of being is special. It may not look like how you think it will, but these stars align your life to let in maximum love. Maybe that means dating cuties. Maybe that means treating yourself more or getting lost in an art project or doing soul retrieval work. All of it, especially now, during Venus retrograde, is allowed and encouraged.

I speak as someone who has been through it all: if love magic works for me, it will work for you. Just maybe not from the direction you’re staring at! The erotic is much bigger than your mind will ever tell you it is. Thank god for that.

It may not happen overnight. I am not the type to tell you I can help you get that One Particular person or get your ex to text you back because that’s not really love magic, maybe lust magic. To do love magic is to be in it for the long haul, to know that all the other facets of your life and all the other myriad ways that love flow in matter too. Love magic works instantly if you aren’t overly obsessed with finding it in only one body out of billions. It makes you realize how lush and loving your life already is. It makes you more creative, hotter, a better friend, a social magnet.

And know that I will be here, doing it with you too, sharing my progress.

Learn more and purchase the lecture below:

Amorous Road Opening Ceremony

So today, I share a ritual to help initiate you into these four fixed stars, who are:

• Mirach, 0º Taurus

• Alpheratz, 14º Aries,

• Sirius, 14º Cancer

• Alphecca, 12º Scorpio

Though my lecture goes in-depth about the vibes and specific magic of these four stars, I wanted to provide a ritual for opening the way for love and helping discern which star, in particular, will be helpful for your current trajectory.

Reminder: Love magic is vital even if you already have your dream partner. It’s a way of surrendering to all the love that is overflowing in each moment, of finding connection even when you feel so isolated and alone.

I was inspired to create this ritual by my genius mentee, Douglas, so a reminder that love magic is relational and spreads when you talk about it with others !

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Tools needed:

• a tarot deck

• Venusian incense, such as rose

• a candle

• an altar space and altar cloth, preferably in pink, white or green

• flowers, rose quartz, jewels, or anything beautiful that feels appropriate

• an offering, preferably something sweet or fragrant like a pastry or a flower

Set up your altar in the center of your space. You want to be able to walk a full circle around it. Lay out your cloth and ritual objects. Light your candle and incense. Take a few breaths. Center yourself in your body and in the moment. Don’t rush this coming into presence. It’s where the magic is.

Once you feel appropriately settled, say a prayer. You can make up your own or use this one:

Oh stars of love

glimmering portals to connection

in this world and the next

I invoke your amorous powers

with gratitude and an open heart:

Sirius dog star

Alpheratz, naval of Pegasus and head of Andromeda

Mirach, girdle of Andromeda

Alphecca, Ariadne‘s flower crown

I call on you humbly and sweetly

may we follow the blueprint of your divine love

may we be a vessel for your pleasure and romance

in relationships both human and nonhuman

with self and other

with the many and the few

I invoke thee to bring forth romance

to bring forth the interdependence

so that I may serve your mantle

and my heart through you well

After the chant, name your intentions, in whichever way you want. Do you struggle to find the eros in your creative practice? Having trouble with boundaries or want to improve a current relationship? Struggling finding a partner? Lay it all out.

Once you’ve named all your desires, get up and make a circle around the altar while chanting “Sirius, star of love, I open the road”. Repeat this three more times, invoking each star with each turn, just as you did with Sirius. You can invoke them in the order that feels right for you.

When you are done, return to sitting in front of the altar. Grab your tarot deck and utter: “Stars of Love, please reveal to me which road you wish me to walk, which road is best suited to my current loving path”. Repeat this phrase as you shuffle your deck and lay out four cards, one for each star. Assign each card to one of the stars in the same order in which you invoked them.

Flip each card over and, using your discernment and intuition, decide which one seems to draw you in or is best suited for your current goals.

For example: When I performed this ritual, I drew the following:

• Sirius: Ace of Wands

• Alpheratz: The Fool

• Mirach: Five of Pentacles

• Alphecca: Eight of Swords

The last two cards have a more confusing, negative tint so I eliminate them off the bat. Of the remaining, there was obviously a strong sense of initiation in both but the active power of the Ace of Wands seemed counter to the surrender I’m currently cultivating. The openness of The Fool seems perfect for my current journey, so I will be focusing on Alpheratz, at least over the rest of the Venus retrograde.

Once you’ve determined which star has chosen you, you can draw a card asking them what they want you to focus on or meditate on for the next week; let them help you shape the next step .

The card I pulled was “The Star,” generally a card of vivifying enclosure and connective solitude. I will be spending the next week working on my art, adjusting my schedule and exalting my inner life.

May the stars of love you cradle you as well <3

Until next time,

Love,

Chloe

1. i do.