I am long over trying to explain my love of celebrity culture even to myself. I no longer desire to couch it in high-minded reasoning or turn it into something Serious. Why am I a VIP supporter of Who? Weekly, and why do I religiously watch The Kardashians each week? Because it’s fun. My 5th house stellium is here to remind myself (and whoever else needs to hear it) that it’s vital to have activities in your life only because they bring us joy.
Last night, that meant eating Popeye’s Mac and Cheese and watching this chilling interlude:
Knowing full well what will happen between Khloe and Tristan mere months after this was shot. Is it surreal to watch an immature boy so confidently assert his baby mama’s inability to quit him when he has already gotten a second woman pregnant (on top of the first mistress he already impregnated 💀).
But, for better or worse, when you look at Khloe’s Almuten Figuris, this shit starts to make sense. I first discussed the Almuten is last week’s newsletter, but, I’ll reiterate. In my colleague and friend Shuly Rose’s words, “the almuten is the planet with the most combined rulership and influence over the chart”. The phrase comes from the Arabic translation of “Victor of the Chart”. It’s comparable to the the Guardian Angel in Judeo-Christian theology and acts as a guide shaping our spirit and highest potential.
I use this calculation method and, when there’s a tie between two planets or they seem neck-in-neck, I use my personal judgment (another Shuly tip: don’t be a slave to numbers!). But, often, it’s pretty obvious. Kim’s almuten, for example, is her Venus in Virgo in the 10th. Not only has her extreme physical alterations made her known for her looks, but her face and body have become the gold standards for other women seeking plastic surgery (Venus in Virgo’s beauty is agonized over and tweaked down to the last detail). I also see her pursuit of Law School as part of Venus’s iteration as a bringer of justice. Kourtney, who is known for being most resistant to being filmed as well as having continuous surprise weddings with her handsy husband, has Mars as her almuten. The sexy goth look and her inability to consider her ex’s feelings (good for her) become not just understandable but part of her becoming.
Khloe is the hardest to place, however. Both her Jupiter and Saturn scored the highest of the 7 visible planets and both feature heavily in her life. Jupiter comes forward in her humor and the extreme BBL that makes her look like an ant (Jupiter rules the butt/hip area). She’s the one who cracks the joke when everyone else is upset and emotionally supports Scott when he’s (continually) down.
But Saturn is not to be ignored. Of all the Kardashian sisters, she seems to have had the hardest time in the spotlight, and we often see her being played by undeserving men (Saturn rules rejection and ignorance). She deals with stage fright and being the ultimate middle child. Even in the latest episode, you see her new house is taking months to renovate (Saturn also rules delays).
I’m not saying we should start feeling bad for the Kardashians; just that their very public lives provide great fodder for deeper astrological study.
Emerging from Hades’s Gate
Even Scott, who has a gorilla grip on the thread that keeps him in the Kardashian family, demonstrates astrology at work. Like many other semi-famous men of a certain age, Disick has been known for exclusively dating much-younger models since he and Kourtney split.
Now there’s nothing new about older men going for younger girls. Men have been skirting with the age of consent for as long as we, as humans, have been having sex. But it was this diagram that made me wonder what these men see in much younger women.
What’s intriguing about this graph is that, according to the Profection Time Lord system, everyone who is the same age has the same house activated. For example, we all start our lives, ages 0-1, in a First House year. Once we turn 1, we enter a Second House year. It keeps cycling through the 12 houses our whole lives and while this system can do a lot of cool things, right now, I am most interested in what it has to say for specific ages.
For example, everyone who is 25 is going through a Second House Year. Broadly, topics around the Second house— money, resources, self-worth— are alive for everyone in this year of life and become their focus for the year in some day. But, another thing to note about this year is that it is always preceded by a First House year. In astrology, the First House is undeniably important. It marks the sign of our ascendant, the energy that rose onto the horizon at the moment when we were born. It is our essence, our energy, our body, our sense of self.
But it can be hard to see what we’re becoming in a First House year. We’re so busy being ourselves that we may not have language or awareness for what is transpiring until the Second House Year. This has bore out in my personal experience.
Spatially, the Second House takes up the part of the sky that is just below the horizon. When the Sun is in the Second House, it is about to rise and become visible. No wonder that the Hellenistic astrologers called this house the “Gate of Hades”. In Demetra George’s words, “the Gate of Hades ushers the Sun out of the underworld and towards its daily rebirth” (655). Similarly, I see the 25th year as the dawning of consciousness, of when you are no longer so pliable or easy to manipulate, as you are beginning to really know yourself and what you want.
I don’t think Leo is intentionally breaking up with women when they’re 25. But, I think the crucial maturation that happens at that age subconsciously signals he can no longer unequivocally have the upper hand.
Interestingly, Scott Disick usually goes even younger than Dicaprio. His two most famous relationships after Kourtney were both with 19-year-old women. This age corresponds with Eighth House years, the place opposite the Second and, aptly named “epicataphora,” or “falling down into the Underworld”. While the Second House shows how we gather value and resources on our own, the Eighth House shows us where we are indebted or entangled with others. Nineteen is when we first begin reckoning with this fact and may often fall into uneven or difficult relationships.
May Scott, then, find an actual equal partner going forward (at least 26).
This Week on Recent Bedroom
Whenever the veil between worlds is gauzy, when our human shape no longer binds us, magic is not far behind. Magic opens space for possibility that the purely material world cannot contain. Indeed, Roth points out that “[s]hapeshifting and invisibility...tear at the very fabric of the duly predictable material world we normally take for granted” (85). Perhaps that is why the gains of Procyon are considered quickly fading— the ground upon which this star rests is not merely made of earth but the unseen substance of magic, lending stability a different meaning.
This week, I wrote about Canis Minor and its brightest star, bringing in themes of stability within change, building up spiritual defenses, shape-shifting and the practical side of magic.
This has been one of my favorite star essays to write because I overlooked the depths of Procyon for a long time. It took a lot of digging as well as drawing from the wisdom of others to uncover the meaning that I did. If you want to learn how to protect yourself when dabbling with magic or learn how to shift form with enchantment, Procyon is the star for you.
Paid subscribers get access to this, along with all my other star essays and so much more.
I also recently wrote about Alcyone, a fixed star that will conjoin the Mercury Cazimi happening at 0º Gemini tomorrow. Click the thread to learn more and begin a relationship with this beautiful star (tomorrow’s a great time to start).
If you want to deepen your relationship of the stars and what they wish to say to you, I would be honored to be your guide, a helping hand, a friend along the journey. More and more, it doesn’t feel like I can claim sole credit for the synchronicities and deep knowing that take place in my fixed stars sessions. I simply devote myself to study and contemplation and the stars shine through every time. If I told you how many times the stars tell their natives exactly what they needed to hear, you would have booked your appointment yesterday ✨
My readings are a portal, an initiation, into intimacy with these distant lights that are always reaching out, always speaking, but never far.
As a parting gift: a Cannonball Adderley song to welcome in Gemini Season:
Until next week,
XO
Chloe