Giving Satan a Little Square of My Soul
Lately I’ve been thinking about the devil. I first heard about him decades ago in Sunday School as a lizard in Genesis, the first snake so turned for his tempting of Eve towards knowledge of Good and Evil.
From the beginning I was suspicious of his supposed wickedness. By exposing Adam and Eve to duality, the story goes, he led to their shame at their nakedness and expulsion from Paradise. Funny that Satan was an angel first, Lucifer, which means “light-bearer”. Are we really supposed to believe our Creator wanted us to stay in the dark, innocent and ignorant forever? In my understanding, innocence is more precious in a postlapsarian world; it means that despite our pains, “wrongdoings” and transgressions, we still choose hope and love and acceptance, even for our wounded, blackened parts.
I recently watched “Shiny, Happy People,” a documentary about the Duggar family, reality stars and members of an extreme Christian sect called IBLP, or “Institute of Basic Life Principles”. The threat of Satan and sin is ever-present in this religion. But, interestingly being told to avoid liscentious thoughts, disobeying your parents, kissing before marriage, doesn’t dispel the Satan they fear. Instead, it keeps this villian that
much more alive, lends him that much more power.
**TW: Child/Sexual Abuse**
The irony, of course, is that despite the heavy policing of the sexuality of its members (including barring men from changing the diapers of their female children), this sect that the Duggar popularized is rife with predators and abusers, even inviting them back in the fold after their violation. The Duggar’s oldest son is currently imprisoned for molesting his sisters and possessing child pornography. As one former member put, “‘This repression leads to a hypersexuality”. Or, in the words of Jerrod Carmichael from Igor, Tyler the Creator’s homage to bad love, “What you run from you end up chasing”.
**TW: End**
The more you try to avoid certain things, in other words, the more they consume you, become all you can define yourself against. The things you try to restrict begin to restrict you.
If you look at The Devil card in the Smith-Waite tarot, you see a different version of the devil— still fearsome but not the agent of suffering. Below him are two chained people, but their shackles hang loose, easily shed. The Devil looks straight ahead as it to warn you: this could be you, too, if you refuse to examine your chains.
In Zen Buddhism, sin isn’t something you do wrong to prove your wretchedness and need for saving but simply when you engage in activities that cause you to suffer. You are not a bad person if you “sin”: you are just hurting yourself and your Buddha nature knows this isn’t the core truth of your being.
The closest we get to a devil figure is Mara, a demon who was tasked to distract the Buddha while he was moving towards Enlightenment. The Buddha did not win by imprisoning him or fighting Mara but by acknowledging him: “I know you Mara,” the Buddha would say, causing the demon to disappear. Mara represents our capacity for distraction and indulgence in limited, habitual thinking. By acknowledging Mara and not wishing he weren’t there, the Buddha shows us he is aware of his own monkey mind and imperfect parts. But by naming it, giving it a discrete location, he allowed it to exist without taking over his life.
Or I think about the White Stripes album “Get Behind Me Satan”: it’s not about destroying the devil but by simply being in front of him.
One easy way is to accept all parts of yourself, even the painful or embarrassing ones. When you feel a difficult emotion or thought come up, say to yourself “this is allowed, this too” or “this is normal,’ because most likely, countless people have dealt with the exact same thing.
Another way to let the Devil in is to talk about it with someone. So much of my own shame comes from putting these shackles on myself— I can’t be this way because then something bad will happen or I won’t be lovable. But so often, the fear of crossing that bridge, of letting some dark dairy take its place in my heart, is much worse than getting to the other side and realizing that accepting all of you is liberating.
This can come from a trusted friend, therapist, but I find astrology to be especially useful in naming and taming our demons.
Today, for example, is Venus day, and Venus is currently co-present with Mars in Leo. The love, the pleasure, the connection, is mixed with the passion, wreckage and intensity of Mars, the alienated warrior. Love don’t make things nice. The process of self-acceptance is radical and often doesn’t feel pretty in the in-between.
To quote the Shiny Happy People documentary, I’ll be spending the time giving Satan a little square of my soul.
If you want a wise, warm eye on your life, your chart, your becoming, my astrology books are currently open.
If you want a blueprint of your soul, perspective on a period or time or an initiation into the mysteries of the stars, book a consult now:
Bud Activities
Recently, whenever I’ve been in a mood, one of my friends have been giving me assignments.
So far they’ve included:
take a walk around a block eating a strawberry
sit under a rose bush and eat some olive oil ice cream
These little tasks have brought me back to the body and its capacity for joy. They never take longer than a few minutes but even that bit of sun and movement brings me back a new person.
I often give people advice that I should take myself: one of the big ones is to pay attention: to your feelings, to the good things as they’re happening, to the texture and movement of your life. Another big one is to smart small: I don’t need to spend six hours writing or playing guitar or any of the things I want more of: just a few minutes of rose-smelling or singing is more than enough, especially if it’s sustainable enough for me to keep doing.
So, next time you’re stuck, trying taking a little stroll around the block, do a little dance or eat something yummy. Or, better yet, give another friend an assignment if you notice they feel off.
For now, I leave you this Franz Kafka quote:
Until next week,
Love,
Chloe